The Local Lexicon

The environmental realm has produced and redefined some memorable words and phrases.  To name but a few, we’ve learned about green building, smart growth, deep ecology, environmental justice, carbon footprints, biodiversity, and today’s hot topic, sustainability.  Buzz words to some, sure.  But regardless of where you find yourself on the scale of environmental scruples, they have become part of our everyday vocabulary.  In this spirit, as these words evolve, I realized we need to update our local environmental dictionary here in Red Bank.  Please allow me to update the following two entries:

Community Garden becomes Calamity Garden.  Because it looks like we won’t be getting a Community Garden any time in the near future, we’ll have to settle for a Calamity Garden.  For those out of this loop, an ad-hoc committee studied the community garden issue and came up with a completely viable, if imperfect, location on the vacant lot near the library. It has the necessities - water nearby, sunlight, open space, etc.  However, the location was nixed by the Mayor, Council, and Administration. Discussion, along with occasional bickering, regarding the library site and possible alternatives has ensued.  So, to make lemonade from lemons, here’s a recipe for the Calamity Garden:  shred two cups of common sense, add one cup of bitter feuds, toss with locally harvested politics, dress with sour-grapes vinaigrette, and serve . Voilà - Calamity Garden Salad.  

Marine Park becomes Marine Parking Lot.  For those that have never been to Marine Park, imagine a 2.2 acre parcel along the picturesque Navesink River.  The parcel offers river access, beautiful views, breezes, open space, etc.  You’re tasked with planning a park for the site.  So, you decide to cover half the lot with asphalt roads and parking spaces.  Not done yet, you decide that the prime locations directly adjacent to the river should receive the most asphalt.  Instead of leaving a shoreline, you install massive concrete and steel bulkheads.  You leave a significant slope as the only green space.  Then, you lean back in your chair and admire your Planning Degree hanging from the wall and say to yourself, “man, what a beautiful plan for a park...”  Oh well, correcting this error by actually installing a park would be much too expensive - cheaper to just change the name to Marine Parking Lot.  

Nature Preserve becomes Nature Perverse.  This entry is an homage to the Bellhaven (pay close attention to the next two words here) Nature Preserve on Locust Avenue.  As currently proposed, at a riverside Nature Preserve, nature will not be preserved, but will mowed down to make room for a sprayground (kids water park). I’m typing this with one hand as I scratch my head trying to figure out what I’m missing here.  I have two children that would love to splash around in such a park. But even they can figure out Bellhaven is not the right site.  We have plenty of already developed lots where a sprayground makes sense, because building structures in a nature preserve, would be, well, perverse.  

Note:  this column comes with sincere apologies to Noah Webster, the Oxford University Press, and Peter Mark Roget and your respective esteemed publications.  I don’t expect you to edit these entries.  As for the on-line Urban Dictionary, hmmm, maybe I’ll have better luck there...