A Different Approach to Divorce

Divorce undeniably has a stigma attached to it. Many people view divorce as destruction; destruction of a bond, destruction of a way of life.

On Tuesday at the Eastern Branch Library, the Jersey Shore Collaborative Law Group presented, “Taking the Mystery out of Divorce,” an informative session on the legal, financial, psychological and social issues of divorce.

The presentation was given by Matthew Abatemarco, Esq., Joanne S. Nadell, Esq., Debra Fournier, CFP, CDFA, and Miles Wagman, MSW, LCSW.  Together, they make up Jersey Shore Collaborative Law Group, a unique and new option for couples suffering through divorce.

The Jersey Shore Collaborative Law Group takes on divorce in an unconventional manner. They focus on divorce as a collaborative procedure that involves the divorce process, financial issues, family issues and alternatives to divorce litigation.

The collaborative divorce process includes attorneys and other professionals, such as financial specialists and divorce coaches. The team helps guide couples through the divorce process and solves major issues that are impeding the split. According to their mission statement, collaborative practice “promotes respect and keeps spouses in control of the process, not judges.”

At Tuesday’s presentation, each speaker provided detailed information of the process of divorce and ways that they can assist.

Joanne Nadell, Esq., laid out the basics of what options for couples seeking divorce and gave a detailed explanation of the troubles with traditional litigation.

“The entire litigation process can cost upwards of $50K,” Nadell said, “And that’s being conservative.”

To avoid thousands of dollars of legal bills, mounds of paperwork, and an endless array of nasty battles in court, Nadell suggests trying a collaborative divorce process.

“At the end of litigation, someone else decides what happens to your kids, your money, your life,” Nadell said. “With a collaborative process, you’re in control.”

With the collaborative process, one never has to step foot in court. Instead, everything is worked out between you, your spouse and your respective attorneys.  It provides divorcing couples with the chance to save thousands of dollars in a private, confidential setting.

Miles Wagman, MSW, LCSW was on hand to explain the role of the mental health professional in the collaborative process.

“We try to help people see divorce as a transition rather than a trauma,” Wagman said. “We help them recognize and accept the reformatted family system.”

Wagman stressed that it wasn’t the goal of therapist to try and “fix” the couple's problems, but rather to help them move through obstacles and help the divorce process move more quickly.

Debra Fournier, CFP, was on hand to shed light on the financial part of a divorce.

“I see too many people at the end of the divorce, when they’ve already made poor decisions that can’t be changed,” Fournier said. “What the collaborative process allows me to do is meet with couples as a neutral third party and discuss the best financial options.”

According to the presenters, collaborative process allows a team of professionals to help emotionally stressed people through the complicated land of divorce.

Matthew Abatemarco, Esq., summed it up by stating, “In this process, you get to tell your story, your voice will be heard, and hopefully, you can resolve your story.”